


Try to hold on tight tonight

by Nea



Series: The Fitz/Ward fix-it AU [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:47:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4588395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nea/pseuds/Nea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simmons comes back and Fitz learns the truth about Ward</p>
            </blockquote>





	Try to hold on tight tonight

**Author's Note:**

> **Author's note:** I thank [gayclaryfray](http://archiveofourown.org/users/gayclaryfray) for beta-ing!  
>  **Author's note 2:** It's a direct follow-up to [Panic Switch](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4313199).  
>  **Wordcount:** ~ 2.000  
>  **Warnings:** angsty, slashy, spoilery for episode 205 and canon-divergence from there.  
>  **Disclaimer:** Everything belongs to Stan Lee and the Whedons. I just own the love for the characters. The title belongs once again to the Silversun Pickups

Leo knows it's not polite to stare at people like that, and yet he can't help it. Simmons has just entered the lab as if she had never been away. She also may be another of the hallucinations he said goodbye to. Apparently they are hard to get rid of. 

"Fitz, say something, please!" she says, coming closer. 

His hallucinations of her never sound this worried, which makes it harder for him to speak. 

"You changed your hair," he finally blurts out. "Looks good."

She smiles and puts her hand on his shoulder. "You are the one who looks good." 

It feels solid and real. Leo is glad he doesn't flinch. 

"I'll show you the lab," he says, because he doesn't know what to respond to that without getting too emotional.

"Yes, please!" Simmons nods with excitement. "Tell me all about your projects!"

"That may take a while," he says quietly. He doesn't know how much she knows about his... how he is now... "The words slip sometimes." His voice is barely a whisper by now and he can't look at her. Doesn't want to see the look of pity on her face, but Simmons nods again, gently squeezing his arm.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not going anywhere."

***

"I still can't imagine you working for HYDRA," he says later, when it's him, Jemma and Skye sitting in the Playground's kitchen, drinking tea.

Leo can barely believe that Jemma is there in the first place. Skye obviously can't either, because she is watching Jemma as if she has to make sure that this is reality. That Jemma really and finally is back for good.

He can't know if Skye hallucinated Jemma, too, in the past, but he knows for sure that Skye missed her as much as he did. If not more. They never really talked about it, but Leo knows and that thought has always been comforting.

"I know. It seems crazy," Jemma says, taking another sip from her cup. "Now that it's over, I barely believe it myself."

"You did such a great job, Jemma!" Skye pretty much beams at her and Jemma smiles happily. "You're so trustworthy and sincere, people instantly tell you their secrets – even HYDRA's – minutes after meeting you."

They laugh a little about it, but Skye's little exaggeration is not that far away from the truth. Leo has known Jemma long enough to know that.

"I wish it had been that easy." Jemma sighs. "I was in constant panic of being discovered most of the time, despite the thorough preparation I got from Ward."

At this, Leo freezes and stares at her with wide eyes. "You talked to Ward? You knew that he's here?"

"Of course I did. His insider information has been very helpful..." Jemma starts, a little confused.

"He wanted to kill us, Simmons!” Leo reminds her with shaky voice.

"But, Fitz..." Jemma tries again, but Skye's horrified "Oh God, he doesn't know!" interrupts her.

"Did no one tell him?" Jemma whispers, looking helplessly at Skye, her eyes widening in equal horror now.

"Tell me what?" Leo's voice still shakes and the pale faces of his friends don't make it better.

"I have no idea how this could happen, Fitz." Skye says quickly. "I should have told you myself as soon as you came back. As soon as you woke up, probably even, but..."

"Tell me what?" he repeats, and sees Skye grabbing Jemma's hand, before she clears her throat and says: "Ward's a double-agent. He is still one of us."

He stares blankly at them for a moment.

"No," is the first word that comes to his mind. He repeats it a few times in his shaky voice. "Why" is another one, before he can add: "haven't you told me?"

"We didn't want to upset you..." Skye sounds apologetic, worried, sincere, but Leo doesn't care.

"You were going through a lot, lately, and we..." She stops talking, noticing that Leo isn't really paying attention to her words. "I'm really sorry, Fitz..."

"But he killed us... Almost." Fitz says very slowly. He looks shocked, hurt and angry and very pale, and his hands are shaking. He has to focus on the words to get them out. It's still difficult, when he is such a state. "How...?"

"Garrett didn't trust Ward to kill us." Jemma takes over from Skye now. "So he replaced him with..."

"Shape-shifter." Leo says and finally it all starts to make sense. He must be asleep. Jemma is back, Ward is replaced by a shape-shifter – that must be one of his usual dreams.

"Ehm, no, but..." Skye's voice snaps him back to reality. "Do you remember the HYDRA agent who pretended to be May?"

Leo nods. He has examined the mask the intruder was wearing himself and was against his will quite impressed by how accurately and smoothly it was able to transform into whatever it touched.

"The guy who tried to kill you was wearing one of those," Skye says. "Ward was already knocked out and tied up at that time. We have video footage."

All Leo can think of now is his fingers moving the bar of the oxygen supply control in Ward's cell. He gets up and feels dizzy.

"Coulson," he mumbles, because he needs to verify the new information he just heard. He is a scientist, after all. "Please don't..." he tells the girls, who also get up, looking alarmed, so they won't follow him. 

He must be swaying. His legs feel like they are made of rubber, but they carry him all the way to the director's office.

He must look weird when he enters it, because Coulson asks him if he is okay instead of reprimanding him for bursting in like that.

"Tell me about Ward, Sir." Leo's voice is tight, trying not to break. "I know..." He tries to continue, but once again the words he wants to use won't cooperate. "Is he a spy? For us?" He hopes Coulson understands him anyway. "I didn't know...! Why...?"

And Coulson tells him the things he heard from Skye already and more.

***

He doesn't see anyone on his way to the basement. It must be later than he thought.

He needs a moment before inserting the right code. He remembers not wanting Ward to talk to him, the first time he came down here. Leo probably wouldn't believe him anyway. After he woke up from his coma, he spent the weeks before he got the medical clearing to work again not thinking about Ward. Ward was no longer a friend. He tried to kill him and Jemma. He was no longer anything. Just a killer. A traitor. 

Leo's heart is racing, as he pushes the keys to turn the walls of Ward's cell transparent. Again, Ward stands there as if he is expecting visitors – Leo wasn't the quietest, taking the stairs.

"What's wrong?" Ward asks, bringing back a memory of better times. When he was saving and protecting people from getting hurt instead of causing the pain, from just looking at him.

"I know." Leo's voice is still far away from being steady, but it must do. "I know everything."

"What do you mean?" Ward asks cautiously. "What do you know?"

"Double-agent." It's hard to look Ward in the face, but Leo manages this time.

"Thank God! Fitz, I..." There is so much relief in Ward's voice.

"Why didn't you... It wasn't you... I didn't know..." Leo feels his throat tighten again, and takes a deep breath. "Talk," he asks, so Ward starts talking.

"I never cared for HYDRA. I never joined them out of convictions. I was there because Garrett was there and I owed him a lot."

Leo nods because that confirms what he already knows.

"At some point I realized that helping HYDRA's people get richer and gain more power and give nothing back lost its appeal for me," Ward remembers. "A while after I joined Coulson's team I decided to tell him and Fury about HYDRA having recruited me and offered to play double-agent. You all care and protect each other and the world not because you want to control it in the end. I wanted to become a real member of the team and stay one of it. "

Leo nods again. He knows exactly what Ward is speaking of.

"Garrett told me to kill my entire team, starting with you and Simmons. I don't know if something gave me away or if it was his usual paranoia getting worse. He knocked me out and something must have distracted him from killing me on the spot. When I woke up I was gagged, tied up and locked up in a supply room," Ward continues. "When I made it back, May and Skye shot me already. Or rather the guy with the mask, but you and Simmons were already gone."

"I should have known... I knew you wouldn't..." Leo starts. Ward's words confirm everything he has learned in the last few hours. "This mask... He looked exactly like you..."

"I would never hurt you," Ward says quietly. "You have to believe me, Fitz, please."

When their eyes meet, Leo sees the old Ward. The one from his dreams has the same expression in his eyes. Softness and worry, and...

Leo has to turn away to fight against the prickling of tears, before he feels ready to say something again.

"So, why are you still here?" he finally asks, after clearing his throat. "In a cell, if you are still one of us?"

"We decided it's for the better, since my cover is still intact." Ward says what Coulson told Leo in his office, too. "HYDRA outnumbers us right now and has informants everywhere, so it may be of advantage..." Ward swallows hard, before adding: "I was sure you knew all of this when you came down here for the first time..."

The mention of their first encounter in this basement brings back the tears Leo was fighting against so desperately. "I've almost... Oh God..." He covers his face in his hands, which start shaking again. "Why didn't you..." Once again the words slip beyond his reach.

"I was afraid you'd have an heart attack if I tried to explain anything." Ward's voice is calm and soothing. "For you I was the guy who tried to kill you. It's not surprising that seeing me again upset you. I understand your reactions even better now, that I know that you didn't have all the facts."

Leo is not able to say anything. Or do anything besides silently wiping away tears with the heel of his hand.

"I knew you would never kill me. You're not that kind of person, Fitz, and that's why I..." Ward stops here, just looking at Leo. At his pale face and reddened eyes and shaking hands, looking back at him. Listening to him. "I'm glad you know everything now." Ward continues finally. "And now go to bed. You look like you can barely stand."

"Oh." Leo says, after another moment. He rubs his face and suddenly feels very tired, remembering that it was late already when he came down here. "Yes, I should go."

"You can come back anytime," Ward tells him. "Good night, Fitz."

"I will," Leo says in a husky voice. "Good night."

He lets the walls of Ward's cell turn solid gray again, before making it up the stairs. 

Ward's version of the story accords with everything Coulson told him. The consequences of it all make his head hurt. His heart clenches and he knows he won't find much sleep in what's left of this night.


End file.
